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And he wouldn't miss it since he's not that interested." He's not interested or he doesn't do it as much as you want? Grace, how did you get so selfish?" You guys made me selfish. You spoiled me. Anything I wanted I got. How could I turn out any other way?" So it's my fault you cheated on Barry? I thought it was his fault. Make up your mind. You know, you've become the American ideal. You have no responsibility for anything you do. It's always somebody else's fault."Why did everybody have to give me such a hard time? They made me selfish. You'd think she would understand. "You always take his side. Why can't you support me for a change?" You come and tell me he cheated on you and I'll tell you he's a rotten bastard. Do you really expect me to condone what you've done? I can't even think of enough adjectives to describe what an awful thing that was to do. At least he hasn't left you." He still could." It would serve you right." Mother! How about some support? I can't talk about this. She wasn’t rich these were coal miners. My sister and I just weren’t welcome.My maternal grandmothers house I knew every nook and cranny of. I could tell you what was in most drawers and closets except granny’s bedroom dresser and closet because there were guns in there. The point is I never noticed these things until this week.Why do I bring this up? It’s part of the underlying process I’ve been going through. My illness has put me into a crash course. I’ve been sad the last few days. I don’t feel productive. I’ve been working about 10 hours a week. I did put in a full 8 yesterday. I hear people talking about their dreams and goals for the future and I can’t afford the pain of having any.When I wrote about being overwhelmed in the bank two chapters ago I didn’t mention that I was having full blown for lack of a better word dementia like symptoms. I knew why we were there but didn’t understand what was going on. I was arguing about what papers go into what envelope and other silly.
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